Shattered Dreams
by E. J. Noel
Summary: They had always been connected, he had just not allowed himself to see how deep it went. He had tried to keep away from the image in his dream, but in the end, he needed to know if there was still hope for him.


SPOILER: I recommend you don't read this if you haven't seen the new movie.

Anyways, enjoy.

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It had all started with a dream from when he was a young boy. The image was still fresh in his memory like all of the other dreams were. They were all about his own future, a future he desperately wanted to avoid and yet wanted to never let go of.

Ben Solo had been in a deep sleep after a long day of training in the Jedi Arts and he had not expected the scene that unfolded in his dream. Him, older and lying in bed with someone else. A young woman was pressed up against him and he saw himself caress her naked shoulder and lean in to press his lips against the bare skin. It had been all he had seen in the first dream.

The dream had seemed so real to him, so stable and sure. It made him wonder what part of his life was going to change, but before he could dwell on it any further, there was a new dream. In that, all the feelings from the scene rang through him and made him weak. He was bonded to her in so many ways and yet he could not see her face.

Ben knew she was beautiful, loving, and each time he woke up from dreaming about the unknown woman, he felt alone. Her presence in his dreams made him unsure of what he was supposed to do. He wanted her, but he also knew the image he saw meant a lot of other things. He gave up on power for her, he gave up on his dreams for the woman whose face he could not see.

As the years passed, he had fewer and fewer dreams of her. She was fading out in his small world and Ben had no idea of how to hold on to her. His future he saw was slipping away and it frightened him, because some part of him desperately needed her. He needed to hold her, touch her and never let go.

He had considered asking his uncle about his strange dreams, since he was sure they were there because of the Force. But he kept postponing it until it was too late. In the dark of night, he did something he would never have believed himself capable of, he killed his fellow students. Ben Solo killed those who did not join him and he killed himself in the process. From the ashes of his loss, rose the person he thought he ought to be, Kylo Ren.

It was that night he had the last dream about her. It was more vivid than any of the others. It was him, sitting underneath a large tree, the woman leaning against his chest and their fingers intertwined. He could see the rings on their fingers and the conformation of the bond they had made to each other.

He was older than he was in the other dreams and his heart ached when he saw the smile on his face as his other self pulled the woman closer and whispered something against her ear. Her laugh was silent, but it shattered everything he had tried to keep together inside himself.

He could still not see her face and as he walked closer to the image in the dream, he watched with a hollow chest as his older self had a content smile on his face while reaching in front of the woman to take a hold of something. As soon as he touched it, the young Kylo Ren saw what it was. He was holding a baby, a small frail baby that slept happily in his arms.

He wanted to reach out, to hold onto the image, but when he lifted his hand, the scene shattered and he heard the woman's voice for the first time "I love you," was all she said as the image sized to exist.

Kylo Ren knew it had been the future for Ben Solo he had seen, not the person he had chose to become. He gave up on his past self and let the dreams go, but even as he tried to forget them, the images were seared into his brain still held him tethered to the light inside his heart.

Even as years passed, he would wake up in his bed, reaching out as he heard the memory of her soft laughter. She was not there and she never would be. He did not know why, but even as Kylo Ren, he kept his knowledge of her far away from his new leader. If he would never have her, she should at least get to live.

He was growing older and when everything he had build started to break and crumble, he was too weak not to follow the connection he suddenly had with another human. She was so different from everyone he had known and she was the first one to reach out to him. To offer him her hand and ask him to join her because she cared about him. The part of him he had thought he had killed woke up when that happened.

The strange girl he was suddenly connected to had made Ben Solo come back to life, even if he did not want to admit it. He tried to make it go away, but when he saw his leader hold the girl, ready to kill her, Kylo Ren lost the inner battle.

Ben had craved the connection he had once felt to the image in a dream and he was not going to let the only other connection he had in the world, die. She was too important. In that moment, he acted because he wanted her to live, because she needed to live.

She fought by his side, saving him as he saved her. They were in sync, moving without talking and fighting together, knowing neither of them would let the other die. But as the room stilled and the battle was over, Ben Solo looked to the vacated throne and Kylo Ren took over. The greed, the need for power called to him and he could not stop the part of himself he had created.

She stood there as he reached out for her, trying to make her see that he needed her and she needed him. He did not want the image of her to shatter like his dream had done. He wanted her by his side.

"Join me, Rey," he said, his eyes pleading her to follow him, to go with him and never leave him alone. He did not want to be alone, neither Ben nor Kylo could live in solitude anymore.

"Please," he whispered, begging her not to leave him, but he could see the shift in her. She had fought for Ben Solo and he was now asking something of her as Kylo Ren.

She left him alone.

Feeling abandoned and betrayed, he lashed out against everyone and wanted them all to suffer. He wanted them to go through the pain he felt in his chest, but in reality, he just wanted his heart to beat again. And then he saw him, the man who had forced him to make the choice, the man he had feared for so long. His uncle, Luke Skywalker.

Both sides of him blamed the man for his loss, but even as he tried to strike him down, he never felt any peace. His fear for his uncle vanished as the image of him did so and left him with nothing more than a new feeling of loneliness.

Inside the base where he wanted to find the girl, he found nothing, the place was as empty as his heart felt. It was when he crouched down to pick up something familiar that he saw her through their connection. It was still there, even though his Master was dead. He had lied, he had not been the one who connected their minds.

They had already been connected long before.

Kylo Ren watched as she stared at him defiantly before closing the bridge to the spacecraft she was on. The last thing he saw was her face and he knew it was her. It was the face of the woman he had never seen in his dreams. It had been her, always her. She had been the one who had haunted his dreams for years, she had been the one who had made it impossible to let go of the light.

And now she was gone and Ben Solo was left standing alone in the abandoned base.

That night, he saw himself in a dream. He saw his older self sleep against an empty cradle and with a baby in his arms. He turned to watch the scene and he saw her, standing in the doorway, looking directly at him and not at his older self.

"You're still Ben," she said and reached out her hand, much like she had done only days before through their connection. She was the one calling to him this time and as he cast a glance at the scene again, he had made his choice. He wanted her, he wanted to hold her, and he wanted _their_ child to become real.

Ben Solo took her hand, knowing he would have to find some way to make it back to her. The image was strong and he knew there was still hope for him. She was his light and now that he could feel her hand in his, he could not imagine letting go no matter what he had to give up.

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Hope you liked it, please review and favorite. :)


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